The Past Dilenma
The focus of the Digging Deeper Series is to discuss and share topics that are important, that can help others who have been through similar situations and to raise awareness. For today’s post I wanted to share a story. It is an experience that had a deep impact on me then as well as who I am today. But first, I recently had an epiphany. What is an epiphany? According to the Merriam-Webster-Webster Dictionary, an epiphany is 1) A usually sudden manifestation or perception of essential nature or meaning of something, 2) An intuitive grasp of reality through something (such as an event) usually simple and striking, or 3) an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure”. This epiphany that I experienced was more telling than any one I had experienced before. I believe it was because I was in a different headspace at the time. One where I was accepting of myself. I had been on a path of self-discovery, reflection, and divine intervention. And it lead me to that moment of epiphany. Now today it leads me to you, the reader.
Here is an experience that I feel we can all learn from. Years ago, I shared an apartment with three other girls during college. I will refer to them as Stella*, Naomi*, and Heather*. It was random. No one knew each other. We were assigned to the same apartment. My assigned room was to the left of the kitchen along with Stella’s. Meanwhile, Heather and Naomi’s rooms were to the right.
The first few days started off well. Everyone was moving in, getting comfortable, we were all getting to know each other. It was a good time. I was excited for what the semester and year would bring. Almost immediately I felt closest to Stella as we had an opportunity to get to know each other before the others moved in. Later on, Heather and I would also become close. As for the dynamic Naomi and I had, we were friendly and respectful of each other but we were never close. The first interaction I had with her was when we were in the kitchen together. She was cleaning and she mentioned there had been some crumbs on the counter. She also said that she did not consider herself to be anywhere near as clean as her twin sister. I didn’t think anything of it. I accepted her as she was.
However, as time progressed, things became more clear. The week or two before classes started, Naomi would mention in the group chat how the sink was not clean enough and how she had to sweep the floor. Or she would advise someone to clean their dishes as they have been sitting on the stovetop or in the sink for far too long. Still it was relatively normal stuff. We all collectively believed that she liked things in tip, top shape. She is allowed to want the place clean. Again, we didn’t really put the pieces together.
It wasn’t until the day before classes started that things changed drastically. That night, I was hanging out with Stella in her room. When out-of-the-blue, Naomi was on a phone call in the kitchen. She had it on speaker and she was making all kinds of threats specifically directed towards Stella and I. She was telling someone on the other line how gross and disgusting we were because we didn’t clean our dishes immediately and how there were forks left in the sink that needed to be cleaned. At this point, she was becoming more and more aggravated that she was starting to make threats of how she would get us fired from our jobs. Stella and I were shocked, in-disbelief, and terrified as we huddled in her room unsure what to do next. Immediately we locked the door out of fear. While we were listening to her ramble on and on, we felt hopeless. In that moment, there was not too much we could do other than hope she would leave or go back to her room soon. We ended up waiting there until she was no longer in the kitchen before we felt comfortable to breathe. Once she was gone, Stella and I both made our dinner quickly and washed our dishes before practically running back into our separate rooms and locking our doors.
After that night, Naomi became increasingly adamant about things being dirty and not up to her standards. One night, there was a big argument on our group chat. She was hurling insults left and right to Stella and I, including to the point of assuming Stella was white. Stella was born and raised in South America. To say Stella was offended was an understatement. She was fuming and rightfully so. She was also upset and in complete disbelief. We both were. Even Heather was starting to receive the same kind of treatment that Stella and I had been receiving for weeks.
This ordeal was extremely stressful and it became difficult to manage our studies, work, social life, etc. So, the three of us tried to see if we could stage an invention/meeting with Naomi as it was starting to become all too much for us to handle. Originally, she was open to the idea. But the night of, she remained in her bedroom and didn’t come out. So, the three of us took that time to bond and grow closer together.
The very next day, Stella and I both witnessed scary incidents separately. I don’t know if it was bad luck or wrong place, wrong time but it was a bizarre set of circumstances. She witnessed someone driving off the road and hitting a fire hydrant within 50 feet of her. Meanwhile, I was walking to a friend’s house when I witnessed a bicyclist get hit by a car of the intersection I was at.
Not long after that, Naomi sent a passive-aggressive message on the group chat about not taking the lint out of the dryer. To the point, that there was a sticky note pointing it out. During this time, she was the only one of the four of us who lingered in the kitchen or living room. The three of us stayed confined to our rooms except for when we had to make food. This continued for weeks because the three of us did not know what we could do, if anything, to have this resolved.
Then, one day, it happened again. Naomi made a passive-aggressive comment to Stella. So, Stella left. On her way out, we saw each other. She confided in me that Naomi said something to her and that she was going to over to her partners. When I walked in the apartment, Naomi was hanging out in the commons areas. We didn’t interact. A few moments later, I went out to make lunch in the kitchen. I was cooking some hard boiled eggs. While I was waiting for the water to boil, I joined her in the living room as she was studying at the table. And I began reading on the couch. I even cracked open the door to our non-existent balcony for some fresh air.
Once the water was ready, I went to grab something from my room. I came back and put the eggs in. While we both were quietly doing our own thing, I noticed the door was closed. I couldn’t remember if I had closed it or not, so I opened it again slightly. And that is when things took a turn for the worst. All of a sudden, she started to yell at me about how cold it was in her room. I mentioned that it was hot outside but I could close the door. This set her off.
She went into the kitchen made a phone call to her parents, put them on speaker, and started making direct threats towards me. She was saying how she was going to have her parents come here and beat me up, that she was going to destroy my stuff, and that she would damage my car. I couldn’t move. I was stunned. Then, she started walking fast around the apartment yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs of how she was going to do all these things. I was in shock and confused. I had no idea what to do. So, I called our apartment office and asked what to do in that situation. They suggested to come the office. I ran into my room, grabbed my bag, phone and keys before leaving. As I explained the situation to the manager, they advised that they heard her threaten me while I was on the phone with them and recommended I call the police.
Prior to this incident, I never had to call the police before. I didn’t know if it was better to call 911 or to call non-emergency. Since I wasn’t experiencing any life-threatening injuries, I didn’t know if this situation was dire enough to call 911. So, I called non-emergency.
While I was waiting for them to arrive, Naomi came out of the apartment and appeared to be walking directly towards me. I got into my car and parked at a nearby Walgreens/CVS. Far enough away from that situation that she shouldn’t have been able to find me but close enough that if the police arrived on scene, I could go meet them quickly. While I was sitting there in my car, I notified the police where I had moved to. I stayed for what seemed like an eternity. As I was awaiting for their arrival, I informed my manager about the situation and how I might be late to work. Once the police were on scene at my apartment complex, I came over and gave my statements of what had occurred to the best of my abilities. I say the best of my abilities because there were things I forgot to mention. Due to shock of the entire situation, there were details I wasn’t able to recall for hours, days, weeks, months. I shared as much as I could remember. After they spoke to me, they then went and spoke to Naomi. I waited behind them terrified of what she may do next.
After they were finished talking to Naomi, they advised her that she needed to leave for the weekend but that she could come back Monday after we have all had time to cool down. Meanwhile, the police told me that I needed to speak with the office regarding switching apartments, etc. However, on their way out, they also mentioned to me that I poked the bear. To this day, I still don’t know what they meant. One thing that is for certain though is how that comment has stuck with me ever since.
When I got to work, I started hyperventilating. After I was finally able to let my guard down and explain the situation, I felt a huge sense of relief. My manager at the time was also phenomenal. She listened to me intently without questioning my experience. Instead, she acknowledged the situation and comforted me. From there, my manager told me that I could leave at any point but I chose to stay for a couple reasons. The first being that work was my distraction. I knew that if I left I would worry more about the situation than I should. It would cause me to be more stressed out than I already was. Then, the second reason I stayed was because I felt safe at work. I was surrounded by an amazing team of wonderful, caring, supportive, and inspiring individuals. We were there for each other and celebrated one another. I expected this situation to be no different and it wasn't.
Once Naomi left for the weekend, I notified Stella and she came back. Before she had arrived, I noticed broken dishes in the sink. I asked her if she knew what happened but she didn’t. Meanwhile, for the first time in a while, her and I could finally breathe. We could finally relax a little after walking on eggshells for so long. It was a nice change of pace but it was also short lived.
Naomi was only gone that weekend which meant that when Monday came around, we would be walking on eggshells once more. So Stella and I used this time to figure out the options we had. We went to the apartment office and we tried to see what they could do about it. They said they could not force her to move out as she had to want too. It was frustrating, to say the least. She had been harassing everyone in our apartment and they heard her threaten me over the phone yet nothing could be done. We just had to live with it until she was ready to leave. Next, we went to meet with the on-campus police, who said that they could not do anything until something happened. We even mentioned the broken dishes. However, since the dishes appeared to be those of a former roommate, nothing could be done about that either. And once again, we were back at square one. Other than wanting to feel safe at home, all we wanted was to prevent another ordeal from occurring. Even that didn’t seem likely. Again, we felt powerless. It felt like there was nothing we could do to prevent the situation from escalating. We were sitting ducks who had their hands tied. All we could do was to let it play out even though we were scared for our lives.
As Sunday night approached, we both made the decision to move out for the time being. Particularly, with Naomi’s return right around the corner. So, Stella went to go stay with her partner while I stayed at a hotel.
During my stay at the hotel, I noticed that I was losing chunks of my hair in the shower. It was scary. I didn’t know if it was from the stress of the entire situation or if I was getting sick. I had no idea. On top of that, I was experiencing constant nightmares. I would wake up in the middle of the night scared that Naomi was going to hurt me. It’s not like she didn’t know where I lived. I even experienced this same sense of paranoia on campus. I remember this one time, I was studying in the quad (outside of the dining hall) at a picnic table. And all of a sudden, I heard someone who sounded like Naomi. I froze in my tracks. I was no longer able to focus on my studies. I looked around in fear. I couldn’t figure out where it came from or who it was. Eventually I came to the conclusion that I needed a break and decided to leave shortly thereafter but that became my new “normal”. Any time I heard someone that sounded as Naomi did, I began to freak out. I was worried she would keep to her word and would attack me if she saw me. So, anytime I thought I did hear her, I got up and left to a place I felt safe.
Later on, I confided in a professor of mine because it was impacting my grades. She advised me to reach out to this group on campus who could help. So, I told her I would look into it and I later did. However, I was too afraid to reach out. I was worried that would only increase my chances of being attacked. The last thing I needed at that point was to add another stressor in my life. I was barely functioning as it was. There were moments where I felt as though I was having an out-of-body experience. Other times, I was so exhausted that I couldn’t handle doing another thing. It was all too much.
While I was still residing at the hotel, I went grocery shopping and by accident I left my phone in the cart. It wasn’t until I made it all the way back to my hotel that I realized where I left my phone. Luckily, the grocery store was just down the street. So, I left in a hurry before someone could take it. When I got to the cart rack, I saw that it was still there and I grabbed it.
As I was heading back to the hotel once more, I noticed that Heather was calling me. I picked up and she sounded panicked. When I inquired further, she explained that someone had taken her Apple TV from the apartment. After talking, she convinced me to come back to our apartment as Naomi had decided to move out. However, upon returning to the apartment, Heather mentioned that she heard that I came back during the week away. Something about the way she said it, instantly made me question where this was going. It was as if she was insinuating that I could have taken her Apple TV. She even went as far as asking if she could search my room for it.
I knew I didn’t come back. I stayed at the hotel that entire week. I told her this too. But she didn’t seem to acknowledge what I said. It felt as though her mind was already made up. She believed I was the one who took it. Heather, once again, insisted if she could look around my room. I said no and asked her to politely leave my room. When I spoke to Stella, she also swore it wasn’t her but she made the same remark as Heather. She had heard that I also had returned to the apartment during that week. Although those two may have been convinced, I was more concerned with who stated I had been there.
The next day, Heather moved out as well. Stella and I were all who remained. But things weren’t the same. After everything we had gone through, I found it hard to trust others. And I believed, she may have thought the same. After all, I wasn’t sure who took the Apple TV. All I knew was that it wasn’t me but that someone had started a rumor that I was there during that timeframe. I, on the other hand, had no idea who would’ve done so. One thing I did notice though was that Heather either didn’t consider Naomi or she didn’t want to since they had been close with at one point or another. But she seemed to have no problem pitting Stella and I against each other. After Naomi and Heather both moved out, the apartment complex told us no one would move be moving in anytime soon. If there were people interested, they would let us know except that didn’t happen either.
A couple weeks went by and out of nowhere, a new roommate moved in, who I will refer to as Olivia*. Olivia ended up moving in on my birthday. I had no idea as I walked in the door with bags of groceries and there she was standing in the living room. At first, I thought she was a friend of Stella’s. However, from the whole ordeal with our previous roommates, we both kind of kept to ourselves and didn’t really invite any one over.
Once I started talking with Olivia, she mentioned she was an international student and she was our new roommate. She seemed sweet. I invited her to the party I was hosting later that night. I told her she was welcome to join. I also mentioned there would be alcohol. Olivia appreciated that I let her know but decided against it. She would later inform me that she didn’t attend due to religious beliefs.
Not long after Olivia moved in, we became close. Anytime she had friends come over, she would include me. She cooked all the time and she cooked traditional meals from back home. They were delicious! From time-to-time, she would share recipes with me as well as where to find the international ingredients. Beyond that, she was talented creatively. Most frequently when we would hangout and chat, she would tell me about her life back home and I would share my experiences from here in the United States. It was fascinating and eye-opening. It was awesome getting to know her better, learning how she grew up, what was important to her, and what made her decide to go to college in the states. All in all, I enjoyed spending time with her. She is a beam of light in this world.
As another week or so passed, Stella informed me that we had another new roommate. I’ll refer to her as Jessica*. She too was creative beyond means. She was constantly painting pictures. She had her own unique style, and she appeared to be so care-free. She was someone who was confident and fierce. This one night in particular when we had hung-out, we went to the local bar and had a great discussion about life, school, other things. It was chill. She was super cool.
Slowly as life started to go back to normal, as much as it could anyway, we were back in our routine of things. We all got along but we also kind of stayed to ourselves for the most part and minded our own business. However, as you may have expected, the drama did not end there. One day Jessica brought her boyfriend back to the apartment. He was okay. He didn’t seem to talk much and he mostly kept to himself. But he gave off a rather intimidating presence. It made me a little uneasy.
Slowly but surely, it seemed like he lived with us too. And although, he remained in her room, for the most part. He was there even when she wasn’t. It started to become uncomfortable. Something didn’t seem quite right, I just couldn’t put my finger on it, so to speak. Occasionally, I would see them together on campus. Actually anytime I would see her, it was always with him. Eventually, it appeared she was not as care-free and independent as she once was.
One day as Jessica and I were talking, she mentioned how she was concerned. She didn’t enjoy living on the first floor anymore as anyone could come right up to her bedroom window at any time. My assumption was her boyfriend. Except one night when we went out together again, she mentioned she had a plane flight in the morning and that her mom was worried she would miss it. She didn’t say why and I didn’t ask but she didn’t seem concerned, so neither did I.
During the night, we had fun, we shared a couple of drinks together, we talked about things, and that was that. It was a great night. Eventually, I got tired and told her I was heading back home while she remained with her friends. Not long after I returned to our apartment, I received a frantic text from a random number. She insisted that she needed to check in on Jessica. At first, I was so confused. I didn’t know who was texting me. Then, another text came in that said they were outside. I wasn’t sure what to do in that moment. The whole thing seemed weird especially since it was 2am.
A few minutes later, I received a knock on my door. Turns out, it was a police officer that was at the door. I opened to see what the issue was. He asked where Jessica was. I explained that she was out and asked if there was a problem. The police officer informed me that Jessica’s mother wanted to make sure she was okay. In other words, she convinced the officers to do a welfare check on Jessica. A few minutes passed and the officer left.
When Jessica got home later on that morning, I explained the situation to her. In that moment, she confided in me that her mom has a mental disorder and that she does not allow her mom to be at her apartment. The news came as a surprise. Jessica handled the entire situation so calmly. She was patient and understanding, and was able to set that boundary with her mother for her own well-being. It showed me a different side of Jessica. It was admirable.
I don’t remember the timeframe exactly but eventually Jessica told me that her and her boyfriend had broken up. She mentioned that he was obsessed with her and extremely clingy. This explained why they were always together, hand-in-hand anywhere they went. A couple of days later, I was sitting at my desk which for context was in front of the window in my room. As I was sitting there, I noticed someone pacing back and forth in front of our apartment.
As I came out to the living room to see what was going on, Jessica was sitting at the dining room table with Stella. While I was standing there with them, Jessica filled us in on the situation. Her ex-boyfriend was a bit on edge as he was the one walking back and forth in front of our apartment. Turns out, he wanted Jessica back but wouldn’t let it go. So, Jessica called the police.
When they arrived, the police officer who first came in, asked Stella and I if we remembered him. He was the one who spoke to our former roommate Naomi. After listening to Jessica share her version of events, the same officer that made the comment to me about poking the bear, put blame on her. I couldn’t believe it. The three of us witnessed her boyfriend out front yet she was to blame. It didn’t sit right with me but I realized she had more important matters at the time. From there, the events of the night only escalated. That night as the police were going to talk to her ex-boyfriend, he ran from them. He also later threatened to harm himself to try to get Jessica back. As far as I’m aware, she never did and I’m proud of her for that because not everyone is able to do that with toxic or abusive relationships. It is one of those things that is a lot easier said than done.
In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness month, here are some statistics that I would like to share from the National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) aged 18 and older in the US have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Intimate partner violence alone affects more than 12 million people every year.
Almost half of all women and men in the US have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime (48.4% and 48.8%, respectively).
Women ages 18 to 24 and 25 to 34 generally experience the highest rates of intimate partner violence.
From 1994 to 2010, approximately 4 in 5 victims of intimate partner violence were female.
Nearly 1 in 5 women (18.3%) and 1 in 71 men (1.4%) have been r*** in their lifetime.
The most common stalking tactic experienced by both female (78.8%) and male (75.9%) victims of stalking was repeated unwanted phone calls, voice, or text messages.
According to the US Advisory Board on Child Abuse and Neglect, domestic violence may be the single major precursor to fatalities from child abuse and neglect in the US.
1 in 10 high school students has experienced physical violence from a dating partner in the past year.
58% of college students say they don’t know what to do to help someone who is a victim of dating abuse.
38% of college students say they don’t know how to get help for themselves if they experience dating abuse as a victim.
Here is the link for the references as well as more statistics.
A couple weeks later, the semester finally came to an end but the damage had been done. In four short months, I experienced so much disarray, confusion, and a roller coaster of emotions that I didn’t get the opportunity to enjoy my final semester of college. I only existed and before I even knew it, I was graduating. It was heartbreaking, to say the least. After having spent all this time, energy, and money to enjoy this phase of my life, it ended in torment. It was also not anywhere near the expectation I had imagined for my final semester.
During my final semester, I envisioned making a plethora of new friends, taking adventures, joining organizations or participating in more events on campus, having fun, and most importantly preparing for post-graduate life such as applying for jobs, requesting letters of recommendations and networking with others. Instead, I was fighting tooth and nail, day in and day out just to be able to graduate. The events I lived through were serious. It broke me in ways I didn’t know were possible. Everything seemed to shift in my life including the essence of who I was.
I was no longer the same person that I was prior and that was difficult to come to terms with. Same with grieving the expectation I had for my final semester of college. It took time. After graduating, I flew back home. I sought normalcy and needed time to process and heal from the situations that occurred. So, I focused a lot of my time on spending it with those I trusted most, friends and family. However, that didn’t go quite as planned either. I remember this one instance in particular. A friend and I were hanging out when I reacted harsher than I previously had. Although I am not able to recall the specifics, I remember feeling upset, suspicious, and angry. So, I became more secluded and closed off. Over time, I realized something prompted this, a trigger. It wasn’t actual mistrust in that friend but something she said that deeply resonated with which brought me back to a not-so-pleasant memory.
Unfortunately, it is a much more common experience than I would like to admit. More recently, I have had more experiences due to various traumatic situations that have occurred in my life. This time in particular, another friend and I were texting when he mentioned something vague and general about learning to be slow to speak. In turn, I changed my view entirely during the conversation and immediately broke down crying. After collecting my thoughts and recognizing their was a trigger, I informed him of such and he apologized. I appreciated it but I knew he wasn’t at fault. How could he have known about something I rarely speak about? He couldn’t.
Another such situation happened this past weekend when I attended a Silent Auction Gala for Reclaim13 with my step-mom and her bible study group. While there, the “Emerge” video presentation played. And unexpectedly as the young women in the video described their experience before and after Reclaim13, it echoed the emotions I felt when I went through a different situation. To put it briefly, they shared how they previously had felt silenced and discouraged but after being apart of Reclaim13, they felt happier and free. It connected with me so deeply that when I got home I was sobbing from that pain.
Before these more recent occurrences, I have had other instances as well throughout the years. Each time I am caught off guard and sometimes, it is over the smallest of things such as a general text message. If you have been fortunate enough to have not experienced such a traumatic experience in your life, please take this time to relax and celebrate this fact because not all of us are that lucky. Besides enduring these triggers/flashbacks, I have also had my share of other symptoms such as being on edge, being easily startled, feeling as though my heart is about to beat out of my chest, insomnia, nightmares, a sense of paranoia, and mistrust.
For now I am going to focus on sharing the other three that aren’t discussed enough which are nightmares, paranoia, and mistrust. Although we all may be familiar with nightmares, I want to express the difference I had between regular and more difficult ones. So, normally when I would have a nightmare, it might wake me up out of a deep sleep or a light sleep. But instead of getting completely worked up about it and freaked out, I would eventually fall asleep. I may not even remember the nightmare by the time I wake up. Now for more traumatic nightmares, it is usually the same or similar thing occurring over and over again but it’s more intense and it feels real. For instance, after my brother passed, I would frequently get ones where I would be tripping or falling down stairs. I would be so startled that it was difficult for me to fall back asleep. The same thing happened after this roommate situation. Rather than wake up from a nightmare of falling down the stairs, this time it was because I had a dream that my roommate was waiting outside my window to attack me. Usually she would pace back and forth in front of my window or in front of the door in the dream. And typically when I would wake up from my deep sleep state, I would be frozen in place, too terrified to make a move, in the event she was outside. It was a crippling state of fear and those nightmares lasted for months, if not years.
Then, there was the sense of paranoia. It is similar to what someone would imagine except again, it felt disturbingly true. In the instance I shared above, it was as though I couldn’t get my roommate’s voice out-of-my-head, no matter how hard I tried. Every time I would hear someone who sounded like my former roommate, I would immediately tense up. My body would go into fight-or-flight response, and I would look around desperately until I could find who it was that was speaking. If I wasn’t able to figure out whether it was her or not, I would not be able to calm myself down until I was in a safe place. Often times than not, I would have a hard time focusing on the matter at hand. So, when it would occur out in public, I would frequently retreat to my room, my car, or to my favorite park. A place where I had control over the variables. If I was upset and needed a place to cry it out or I was exhausted from the weight of it all, I would retreat to my room for some much needed me-time. If I felt trapped, I would go to my car. If I was experiencing anxious energy, adrenaline, or feeling on edge, I would go to the park to go for a run. It just depended on what I was feeling.
And finally, mistrust which can still be considered an aspect of paranoia. Frequently, mistrust would prevent me from opening up to others, even from those who I had known for a while. To the point that it felt like there was a divide. For instance, years ago, a friend of mine who was trying to be supportive asked me to open up. At the time, I wanted to share my experience. However, it was too fresh in my mind that I didn’t even know how to grasp the situation yet alone put it into words. Mistrust has also caused me to be more private and share less personal information about myself. I am afraid that if I share too much, it could hurt me in the process.
Other than that, there are other ways I have changed such as my perspective on things. The first being change. For most of my life, I didn’t like change. I enjoyed the consistency. The mundane. But ever since this experience, I am more aware of change. When things change in life, it usually is a sign of progression. For example, someone I follow on social media discussed how they were starting over in their 30’s except from my perspective I don’t see it as starting over. Rather, I see it as they are reinventing themselves. Everyday we learn more and more about ourselves form what we like, dislike, to our disagreeable, and the more we do that, the more we grow. As we contemplate new ideas and encounter various experiences, our perspectives or stances may adjust. It doesn’t mean that we are being hypocritical. It means there was a scenario that challenged a belief/value we had, the issue was considered, and a conclusion was made. The more honest and open we are to ourselves, the happier we will be.
Next up, was my interaction with law enforcement. Growing up, I didn’t have much interaction with the police but I grew up with a positive image of them as I have family members who are first responders. However, after interacting with that one officer that made a comment about how I poked the bear and blamed my roommate for her ex-boyfriend’s actions, I can understand how others may come to that conclusion. For a short time, I did too. But then, I realized that there is more good than bad in this world. Just because that one instance left me with a negative experience, it doesn’t mean it will always be that way.
And last by not least, reaching out for help. Although the task may be considered easy for those looking in on the situation, it is hard in the moment. In the midst of trauma or even chaotic episodes of life, seeking help, is difficult. Sometimes, even tedious. Previously, I had been scared to reach out for help. I was concerned with what people may think. I was afraid of what I might have to change in my life if I sought help. And I was worried about what I’d learn about myself, such as being weak. But choosing to seek help was the best decision I ever made. It made me realize the importance of having a support system in place. I recognize that not everyone may be as fortunate as me. I had a professor who was understanding, a caring manager as well as friends and family who supported me through the difficult times. Without them, who knows where I might’ve been. One thing I know for sure is that the whole ordeal would have been much harder to endure. So, thank you to those of you around me and who helped me during the difficult periods of my life. It means more than you will ever know.
If you or somewhere you know is experiencing this, here are my suggestions:
Take time to yourself
Forgive yourself and learn to trust your gut instinct
Surround yourself with those who were there for you prior to the event or those you trust and if you are triggered by something they say or do, acknowledge it and reframe it, “Im not reacting to mistrust of this person, I am reacting to a trigger”
Write it down, yours ups, your downs. One day when you look back, you’ll see how far you’ve come
Find passions or interests that make you happy
Remember, healing takes time. The more honest you are with yourself, the happier you’ll be.
If someone you know is struggling, I suggest:
Be patient with them. They may want to share but don’t quite know where to start yet
Be supportive of their decisions and boundaries. It can be helpful in the healing process
And most importantly, if they opened up to you, believe them. It can take a while to get to this point before someone feels comfortable enough to share.
Don’t question their experience. It can be damaging to their peace of mind
Before you go, I want to share a little bit more about the organization Reclaim13. Reclaim is committed to forging healing pathways for survivors of s***** abuse and exploitation. They raise money and provide resources for those in need. I have connected the link above.
Other than that, it’s a wrap for this week’s post. As for the next three weeks of the Digging Deeper Series, I am going to continue to be more open, honest, and vulnerable than I ever have before. I want to share my experiences with the goal of spreading awareness, creating dialogue, and educating others. If you have any suggestions, comments, concerns, feel free to reach out. I am also interested in learning about similar experiences you may have had or lessons you learned. You can send an email over to inspire.those.who.inspire.you@gmail.com or connect with me on any of my socials. In the meantime, have a beautiful week and I look forward to seeing you back next Monday, October 14th, 2024.
As a signature of this blog, I like to end each post with a suggestion to “Pass on kindness”. There is no such time as the present to “Inspire Those Who Inspire You”. Acts of kindness, no matter how big or small, can have a direct, positive impact on someone else. Go out there today and change someone’s life for the better.
