Mixed Signals

Welcome back, lovelies and beau’s, to the final chapter in the Rising From the Ashes series! As you settle in for this post, take a moment to get comfortable. Grab your favorite coffee or tea, find your coziest spot, and let’s dive in.

As we do, a warm welcome to all the first time visitors. I’m so glad you’re here. If you are here to learn more about me, my experiences, and my story, you’ve come to the right place. A quick recommendation: this post is part of a much larger journey—one that unfolds best when experienced from the beginning. To get the full picture, I suggest starting with “Tale of Two Lives” and following in order. But truthfully the path you take is yours to choose. Follow what resonates with you, go at your own pace, and embrace the process in a way that feels right. And that goes for all of us—including me, the writer behind these deeply personal reflections.

Now that I’ve welcomed eveyone, let’s begin on this final discovery shall we?

You see, following what resonates—what calls to me, what message springs to mind as I sit down to write today, tomorrow, next week, and beyond—it’s the bane of my existence. My whole life, I’ve followed my feelings and my heart rather than my mind. And let me tell you, that hasn’t always made things easy but it’s made life worthwhile. Almost comedic, in a sense. For a long time, I would tell people that I was naive because oftentimes, I would miss the most important details or it would just go over my head. It wasn’t until much later on it would just click. It was almost as if certain information was hidden from me and when the moment was right the information would be released. Suddenly, I would receive more awareness or insight into a situation. But recently, I found a term that fits me much better. It is blissfully unaware—a certain naivety and childlike wonder combined together for the perfect combination. The term itself has a story to be shared with it.

So, a couple weeks ago, I was thanking someone for their support and I shared with them a positive interaction we once had and how the experience left a big impact on me when that individual shared with me some unconventional, unsolicited advice. It was about more or less about how deep conversations shouldn’t happen over text message. Now normally that wouldn’t impact me. However, I hadn’t had any deep conversations with this person over text, so I was a bit confused and kinda freaked out as it has felt for some time that my messages or some other kind of personal, private information has been leaked in regards to me. So, I asked my followers on Instagram asking, how would you react if you saw this text, which read, “Hey, I know there have been some things said, and I just want to clear the air. If you ever hear anything about me that seems off, I’d really appreciate it if you came to me directly. I’d rather have an open conversation than let misunderstandings grow. Hope you’re doing well!”. I mentioned on the very same post that if I had received any responses, I wouldn’t share the answers. And I didn’t, nor would I.

Time went by, and it wasn’t long before there was a realization of what had occurred. So, I followed the story up with:

I recently learned something new about myself… It’s that not only do I enjoy some good old dad jokes but I also relate to situational humor and find it hilarious. So, I have a story to share with y’all and I hope it makes your day. Titled—When Sleep Deprivation and AI collide: A Masterclass in Miscommunication.

You ever have one of those moments where you think you’re being clear, only to realize much later that you’ve accidentally created chaos? Yeah, that was me the other day. It all started when someone I hadn’t spoken with in-person in years randomly decided to give me some unsolicited advice: “You shouldn’t have deep conversations”. Alright? Noted. But honestly, I kind of agreed—because lately, it’s felt like my text messages have been getting leaked. So, in an attempt to cleanse my social circle, I posted this heartfelt (read: passive aggressive) message on social media: If you formed opinions about me without reaching out to me, I understand. I wish you all the best, but I don’t think we’re the right fit as connections here—just moving forward with those who align with me.

Boom. Social media spring cleaning: initiated. Then, I circled back to the unsolicited advice guru and let them know—in the most polite, mature way possible—that I found their comment disturbing and to never contact me again. And then, I blocked them. Namaste?

But I wasn’t done yet. Oh no. In a final act of clarity (or so I thought), I crafted a thoughtful message to the people still in my life. I wanted to set the record straight, clear up any misunderstandings, and prevent any whisper-down-the-lane nonsense. So, I did what any logical, well-rested person would do—I asked AI to help me draft it. The message read, “Hey, I know there have been some things said, and I just want to clear the air. If you ever hear anything about me that seems off, I’d really appreciate it if you came to me directly. I’d rather have an open conversation than let misunderstandings grow. Hope you’re doing well!”.

Seemed reasonable. Seemed clear. Seemed…diplomatic. So, I hit send. To everyone. In group messages. And some slightly different variations to individuals. And then, the responses started rolling in: “Me?” “Wait…what did I say?” “Did I do something?” Cue: Panic mode.

Then came the actual confrontation. A heated argument broke out. Not even between me and someone—just within one of the group chats. Because naturally, everyone assumed I was referring to them specifically. And yet in my sleep-deprived state, I just sat there thinking, “Wow. people are so unaware and inconsiderate…”.

It wasn’t until the next day—after a decent amount of sleep and significantly less ear pain—that I read the message out loud and couldn’t believe what I wrote! I was dying of embarrassment. So much so, I was laughing so hard I was crying.

It sounded like I had directly confronted each person about something they didn’t even know they were accused of. And not only that—I had placed it in group chats so it looked like I had overheard something very specific about every single person in that chat. I basically dropped a mystery bomb into everyone’s lives, then walked away, blissfully unaware of the destruction I had just caused.

The embarassment? Unreal. The irony? Painful. The lesson? Maybe don’t use AI when sleep deprived…Or at the very least, have it proofread by a human before you accidentally turn your life into a sitcom. The End.

While it was the end of that situation as I knew it, it was never truly the end. It’s just the being of who I am. I have severel more of those types of stories that I can share. That is just a normal day in the life of me. As you may able to tell by now, it’s why my life is far from boring.

By choosing to follow my heart rather than my head, it gets me into a lot of awkward situations. It also seems to delay my journey and causes some detours, here and there. I’ve learned to embrace it. Sometimes, by taking the road less traveled, some truly beautifully and awfully painful moments. But more than anything, it’s taught me the valuable lesson learning from past mistakes. Despite the setbacks, despite the moments of doubt, one thing has remained with time: when I follow my heart instead of the noise around me, I am fully myself. My sensitive, weird, adventurous, curious, creative, and humorously-blissfully-unaware self. If there is anything I’m certain of especially after everything I’ve been through, I wouldn’t want it any other way. It’s a constant source of entertainment. The same message goes for you. You should love yourself for who you are—funny quirks and all. The world needs more cheerful, bright, and passionate souls.

Now if you find yourself returning here each week to read my posts—or if you feel drawn to them in some way—I believe there’s a reason for that. Maybe we share similar experiences. Maybe something I’ve written resonates with you. Whatever it is, I’m grateful for your support. It’s powerful to think that despite being in different cities, states, or even continents, we can connect on a deeper level. I believe the experiences we have can be used to connect with, uplift, and support others on their own journeys. It is one of the reasons, I enjoy being so authentic and transparent of the situations in life.

And as luck would have it, I have another one just in store for you. Today, I want to take you back to where it all began—long before I had the awareness and understanding I do now. Back to childhood, when my love for writing first took root.

At my school, writing (and reading) contests were a big deal. If you read so much, you would get free tickets to a local baseball game or win prizes. For instance, I got a Kerry Wood poster when I was young (he’s one of my favorite players btw!). And then, for writing, the top winners got to spend the day with the principal for lunch. I know this, because one of the years, I was a top placer for a mystery book I had written.

That special lunch took place at a local bookstore—where our books were proudly displayed in the window. We ate, we chatted, and we celebrated our stories together. At the time, it was just a fun experience. One that eventually faded into the background of my memory. But looking back now, that moment was the spark. The beginning of everything. It’s crazy to think back to how it all started.

At some point, I lost track of writing and found new interests—one of them being mentoring/teaching. I loved school, thrived in activities, and had some of the best teachers. To me, being a teacher seemed like the ultimate dream job. For a while, I genuinely considered it. But then, high school happened. My days got busy—no longer was I on the swim team supporting and encouraging fellow swimmers to be better, faster, stronger. Instead, I was running like my life depended on it (Cross-country team). More than that, there were school presentations. You know that had to be discussed in front of everyone?

That is when I realized something: I had a fear of public speaking—or, more accurately, I just didn’t feel the need to talk much at all. I was known for being the quiet, friendly one. But once it clicked that teaching required being in front of a room full of students, giving directions, and speaking, my aspiration quickly vanished. I thought that there was no way I’d become so outgoing, outspoken, or articulate enough to be a teacher. For me, it was just never going to happen.

Writing, on the other hand, never felt like a lost cause—but it did start to feel impossible. I applied for a Sports Writer part-time position, something I had always been genuinely passionate about. But when I didn’t get the job, I was devastated. I felt defeated. Then, not long after that, with the rise of social media—Instagram and Facebook. My hopes of being a Sports newspaper writer starting to become obsolete. It was as if my dream job was disappearing right before my eyes.

Because of that and with all the papers I had to write in school, I slowly but surely lost interest. That was until college. I remember a time when a friend of mine was surprised that I would wait until the last minute to start a paper. Somehow, I could sit down, write it all in one go, edit, and complete without much of a second thought. Prior to that, I assumed it was the same for everyone. I didn’t realize that most people had to map out their ideas, draft in stages, and refine their own work overtime. In my experience, an idea will just come to me—almost as if the universe has a message it wants me to share and then, I write it out. Either way, that experience was eye-opening and it made me appreciate my writing ability more.

So much so, that around that time, I also tried something new: interviewing friends. Well—one friend, to be exact. But even that was enough to spark more creativity and inspiration into my life. I loved getting to ask questions, pick someone’s brain, and compare our experiences. It felt exciting—like opening a door to someone else’s world.

When I transferred to community college, and I started to feel more comfortable and connected with others, I eventually got up the courage to share some poetry of mine with my best friend. She was nothing but supportive—a genuine light in this world. She helped build up my confidence even more. She was someone who made me feel seen. That’s when the idea of starting a blog really told hold. She even offered to help me in some way, which made the whole thing feel even more real.

Not long after, I reached out to another friend of mine. One who knew far more about the tech world than I did. I asked her advice on which site she thought would be best for a new writer. Weebly was the platform where I got to bring my idea to life. And just like that, Inspire Those Who Inspire You was no longer a dream—it was a reality.

As I know I’ve shared before, I started Inspire Those Who Inspire You as a tribute to my brother whom, I had lost. He was someone who made me feel included despite the differences we had. It wasn’t necessarily through the words he spoke but how he made me feel.

Throughout the years, my blog has seen some changes, different platforms, and plenty of setbacks. But no matter what, I kept going. I kept trying new ideas, believing in myself, and holding onto the hope that one day, something meaningful would come out of it—not necessarily in the form of success, but in impact. Because more than anything, I’ve always wanted to make a difference—to inspire others to appreciate the incredible people we all have in our lives, just as I have in mine. After all, I’ve learned that our experiences aren’t just our own—we can use them to help others on their path.

At one point during my college journey, I created my first ever blog series: Breaking Barriers. True to its name, the series was meant to shed light on real experiences. I would interview friends about challenges they faced or were currently dealing with and then, share their stories on my blog. The goal was simple—to remind people that they weren’t alone and to offer insight and strategies on how to handle similar situations. Although the series didn't last as long, as interest started to fade, I always found it meaningful and hoped to bring it back someday.

The same went for another series, which was named off the title of the blog, Inspire Those Who Inspire You. I believe I originally broke it down into parts, but the heart of it remained the same—it was a way to highlight friends and family members who had inspired me. I wanted to show that simply by living our everyday lives, we can have a profound impact one someone else’s. By something as easily as listening. Kindness doesn’t have to be some big, grand gesture or these huge, over-the-top moments. Typically, I find myself inspired by the small, ordinary, everyday things, such as, someone checking in, remembering a small detail I once shared, or telling me to have a wonderful day.

Now near the end of my college career, I met someone else who also ran a blog. Their passion? Fashion. At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but looking back I should’ve suggested a collaboration. Later on, I had suggested it with another friend of mine. One, who was passionate about living holistically. But unfortunately, we both were there to go to school, first and foremost. Everything else, came after. Instead, I simply found comfort in knowing that others had the same vision I once did—to share their voice with the world. Even though I was still unsure of the direction I wanted to take or the impact I could have, I kept going. I even committed to a set posting schedule. But originally that didn’t work out well for me at the time.

Before long, I started to experience burnout. I knew that success required consistency. So, I remained self-motivated and passionate. However, the more I pushed myself, the more pressure I added and thus, the less I enjoyed writing. Inspiration faded, frustration grew, and soon, writing felt more like an obligation than a passion. I felt as though my posts lacked the same heart they once did, and eventually, I lost my drive completely. On top of that, I could no longer afford to maintain my website so, I switched to a more affordable option—Wordpress. Although my time on Wordpress was short lived, I felt like that’s when I truly started to uncover my message. During that time, a friend even praised my site once it all came together—that was an accomplishment within itself. Except the same pattern emerged—I would get inspired, post consistently for a while, then burnout and stop entirely. It got to the point where I almost gave up on my dream altogether.

Until the moment felt right again. By then, I had graduated college and entered the workforce. That’s when I made the courageous decision to put myself out there again—this time in a more fact-driven way. I wrote about the COVID-19 landscape, sharing updates on what was open and things to do in my state. It was less personal and more informational. I can’t recall if that was one my last posts on Wordpress or one of the first posts on Squarespace, but by that point, I was no longer a complete newbie. I had learned a lot—in the blogging sphere.

It wasn’t until the last couple years (2023-2024) that I really found my groove. I learned to follow my heart and write about topics that feel relevant—not just to me, but to those of you who find yourselves here. I also no longer put the same pressure on myself. I see it more as a fun passion than anything else—an opportunity to share my experiences with and the hope that even one person can relate or feels inspired.

To keep myself consistent, I now set aside a couple days each month to write and organize my posts. This way, I don’t feel a sense of urgency or that I’m under a time crunch of any sort—as that usually decreases my creative flow. If I happen to become unmotivated, uninspired, or overwhelmed, I will take time away and focus on other interests, so I don’t become so burnt out that I no longer have the same love for writing. I did just that in October of 2024. It helped me reset, refocus, and find new inspiration. And if I feel as though I need more inspiration, I usually listen to my favorite music or watch my favorite content to give me some ideas on where to start. It really helps getting the creative juices flowing!

Now if you remember at the beginning of this post, I encouraged you to read at your own pace—to follow what feels right for you and your journey? In my own experience, I’ve learned how important it is to trust that inner pull, that inner gut instinct, even if it means standing alone or taking the road less traveled. Do whatever it is that fuels your heart. Follow the passion that ignites something within you and makes you crave more. Just remember, whatever you do, do it with love—for others, but most importantly, for yourself.

During the first half of 2024, I felt lost—I wasn’t sure which direction to take my career. I didn’t necessarily want to be promoted, I just wanted to be recognized for the hard-work and time I was putting in. But I also enjoyed helping others succeed and supporting them on their own journey. Once I was out of a job, I was more confused than ever. With a diverse array of interests but not many of the skills or certifications required, it was discouraging. After all, most of my experience at the point was customer-serving or social media/writing experience that I had done on my own. And while it has most certainly been one long, learning curve, I wouldn’t change it for anything. It allowed me to take time to myself, to learn what is most important to me, and taught me a lot of lessons along the way. An opportunity I will always be grateful for.

However, one realization I did have is that while I have struggled to find my place in the world from time-to-time, life has a funny way of bringing things full circle. For the longest time, I wanted to truly feel as though I belonged somewhere—to stand confident in my beliefs and know exactly what I was meant to do. But somewhere along the way, the signals became mixed-up. I didn’t know which direction I wanted to follow. I lost sight of some of my favorite past-times. And in doing so—I lost who it is I was. Once I had more time and open availability, I re-discovered who it is I once was. I re-traced my steps, re-followed my passions, and remembered exactly who I am. Most importantly, I realized that while I may not have followed the traditional path, I found my own way of being both a writer and a teacher. By sharing my experiences and lessons, I’m teaching you, my readers the best way to enjoy life—which is not to be so serious that you lose out on the enjoyment that life has to offer. And as I continueto write, I’m living out my dreams of inspiring the world through my messages—including the blissfully unaware moments. But it just goes to show that when you follow your heart, do the things that you love, you’ll end up exactly where you are meant to be—even if it looks different that what you once imagined.

So, start now, if you haven’t already. Remember to keep going, no matter what. And don’t ever give up on your dreams!

Next week, a new series called “Eternity” will begin and it will last for the remainder of March. So, I look forward to seeing you all back Next Monday, March 10th, 2025.

As a signature of my blog, I’d like to end this post with a suggestion to “Pass on kindness.” There’s no time like the present to Inspire Those Who Inspire You. Acts of kindness, no matter how big or small, can have a direct, positive impact on someone else. Go out there today and change someone’s life for the better!

**These are my personal opinions and may not be those of my employer.**