A Quiet Journey

With everyone going back to school this month, I thought I would share another personal experience. This time it will be more school focused. And this one will be quite a journey through time. So, please grab your popcorn and get ready!

When I think back to my childhood, I think about how I would go up to random kids and introduce myself. It did not matter where or when. Right now, the particular memory I am remiscining is when I went to Wisconsin Dells. I do not remember how old I was nor which hotel I was visiting at the time — Wisconsin Dells is known for being the water park capita of the US. What I do remember, however, is playing alone in the indoor water park, splashing around, jumping on those floatable, slippery, frogs with the climbing rope across the pool, or hanging out in the hot tub. And the next moment, I was befriending this other girl. We became quick friends and spent time together by hanging out, going down water slides, and having an absolute blast. It was not until we had to split ways and say our goodbyes, that making a new friend for a season, was not all that much fun.

That did not stop me, however. A short while after that trip, I was on vacation in Colorado. My parents decided to sign me up for a skiing class. Now unfortunately, this is one of those experiences I do not remember vividly. But according to my dad, I spent the entire session sitting on the side of hill talking to this girl. Who needs to learn how to ski anyway? Eventually I  learned how to snowboard so it all worked out in the end.

Then, there was Girl Scouts. There we were constantly taking trips to the creek to look for crawfish, camping in a campground, walking in parades, or doing some other fun activities at the school. I, was one of the loud, rambunctious kids always running around and making new friends wherever we went.

Now I am not quite sure where things changed. But I believe it may have been in school. I think my shyness developed from being called on in class and not having any confidence as well as being easily embarrassed. I do not really know.

There was this one instance where my best time and I were discussing how we are both quiet and do not like to talk much. And she told me, “that I am loud or louder than her”. From sometime around that time, I soon became shy.

You may think being quiet is a good thing, and for a while it seemed to be. However, from 6th grade and on, it no longer seemed acceptable. Whenever my parents and I would go to the annual parent-teacher conferences my teachers would constantly say, “Oh, she is so quiet!” or “She barely talks”. It seemed to be more of a complaint that a good remark. It was definitely not the confidence booster I needed or motivation needed to want to speak up.

So, I continued on my quiet ways going into high school. I was the shy friend who took the time to listen as I did not talk much. Maybe the quietness even fed into my fear of public speaking, more on that later. But during one of my Driver’s Ed lessons, I had a guy who was intimidating. He was tall, muscular, and stern looking. At the time, I had a fear of driving due to a car accident I had recently been in. And I did not want to be there. But as we were going through the motions, I did not say anything since I was 1) quiet, 2) intimidated, 3) scared to drive.

When he asks me if I was ready to go, I did not respond. He followed up with  asking me if there was something wrong with me. That is when I started crying. And he became upset, I assume it was because I was wasting his time or maybe he was having a bad day. I am not sure. But once he saw I was upset, he immediately went up to my mom and asked if there was something wrong with me.

Once I calmed down, things went okay. I managed to power through the lesson even though I cried through some of it. That whole experience was one of the more embarrassing moments in life. But I like to think “Everything happens for a reason”. Nowadays, I just laugh about it. It is what it is.

However, during the rest of my time in high school, things went similarly. Teachers informed my parents that I should be talking more, making comments regarding how quiet I was, and started to treat me differently. It some ways, it was quite nice. The teachers that recognized I was shy would not call on me as often. When I had trouble with my fear of speaking in front of others for presentations, they found other ways to help me overcome it. Such as, when I had to do some project with Shakespeare for English, my teacher let me do it in front of her after class. Then, when I was in track, it was pretty awesome when I was named captain. My teammates knew I was not the loudest or most outgoing gal out there but instead of leading with my words, I lead by example.

I feel like that is the beginning of the it all. Sure, I was still extremely quiet for most teenagers at that age. But being named captain, gave me a confident boost. It assured me that I could still be a leader even if I did not have the words to do.

In college, is when I really came into my own. While attending community colleague, I had friends who recommended me to join Student Life and become involved. They believed I would be able to meet people, have fun, and become more confident. It is crazy to think back just how right they were.

From there, I was involved in so much. I spent most of my time at school. I was a member of Student Government, a member of United Students of All Cultures, I was on the Women’s Cross-Country Team, I was a Student Representative for Student Affairs, I was on the board of the Allocations Committee, and I also was volunteering a lot. And I enjoyed giving presentations in my speech class, at the time. I could go on and on about how great of a college experience I had at Elgin Community College but I will do us all a favor and save that for another time.

College helped me find my voice in this world when I did not think I had one. It gave me the confidence, the opportunities, and friendships to make me realize how important it is to have a voice. And for it to be your voice and no one else’s.

So, next time you are lost, you do not feel like you fit in, or you are feeling societal pressure/influence to be something you are not, remember that you can do this. You are worthy. And I believe you will find your way just as I did.

As a signature of this blog, I want to end each post with a suggestion to “Pass on kindness”. After all, there is no such time as the present to “Inspire Those Who Inspire You”. Passing on kindness does not need to be this big, elaborate ordeal.  You could smile at a stranger, compliment something you love about someone’s outfit or personality, tell someone how proud you are of them or that you thinking of them. Even small acts of kindness can have a huge impact on someone. I know it does for me. So with that, have a beautiful day!