Ham & Chops
Although last year I focused on trying new things and getting out of my comfort zone, this year’s focus has been to build on that. With that, I have decided to try something new. Instead of giving thanks to specific individuals as I normally would, I am going to speak from the heart and share what has changed me as a person this year. Here is what I’m grateful for this Turkey season:
New people - There have been a lot of new people I’ve met this year including one who I met on a plane. She’s from abroad but has been working in the U.S. this entire year. As the year comes to a close, it means she will return home soon. However, her spirit and sense of adventure will live on in many hearts here in the United States. In addition to that, there are several others who I met and I look forward to getting to know better before the year is over and well in to 2025.
Following my dreams - We all are on various paths in life with different dreams and goals. For a while, I didn’t feel as though I had an opportunity to work on my dreams/goals because I was exerting energy in all the wrong places. This year, however, I have learned to take time for me too. Ive gotten the chance to paint for the first time in a long, long time. I got a gym swim membership and I was able to get back into swimming for the first time since college. In addition to that, I’ve taken more time to work on other skills from language practice to geography. And lastly, there’s writing. I’ve worked hard to become more consistent with meaningful, in-depth posts than previous years.
Healing - I’ve learned a lot of things when it comes to relationships over the past year. Most importantly, I learned the relationship I have with myself is the most important. There’s a saying that in order to be able to pour love into other people, you need to pour into yourself first. For a while, I thought I was and I didn’t quite understand what it meant. After taking time to be on my own and learning to be happy with who I am, I truly understand what it means now. I no longer need outside approval, I do opportunities that make me happy, and I’ve learned to set boundaries.
Letting go - One of the most important lessons I’ve learned this year is the power of letting go. It’s normal to outgrow relationships. As I mentioned above, we all are on different paths. We may find new passions and we may realize we are no longer interested in other goals/dreams we once had. And that’s okay. Instead, of focusing on losing a relationship. Reframe your mind to recognize that you’re growing and changing. You are becoming a better version of yourself. So, let go and appreciate all the great times you had with them.
Inclusivity - Those who include others are some of my favorite kind of people. Not only are they able to recognize the power of bringing people together, they also bring about action. They are willing to go against the norm and change the future for the better! I recently had an interaction with a sunshine soul who welcomed me with open arms, provided support and encouragement, and really made me feel as though I was part of the team. It’s one of the best feelings! So much so, this is someone who I strive to be. Ever since, I witnessed an incident, I’ve been trying to unite and include others. However, I still find from time-to-time that I am intimated and afraid to act. It can be scary putting yourself out there but the more we do, the more others will feel as though they are a part of something that’s bigger than themselves. One day I believe we will live in a world that looks to include others no matter the differences. It’s one of many things I look for and strive to be in this world.
Authenticity - Sometimes, it is funny how the world works. Today one of my connections reached out asking my plans for today. After explaining, they responded, “I would be happy for you if he is!”. This made me realize that there all a lot of people, perhaps you as well who are reading this, may feel they need to put on a mask around friends, family, etc. because of a previous experience. In the conversation with a connection of mine, I shared how my dad had always expressed it as though he was happy in regard to the topic we were discussing. However, I am hoping he or anyone else I know doesn’t feel as though he had to wear a mask around family or anyone—I was pretty fortunate. I haven’t felt that I needed to wear a mask but at one point in my life, I had to close parts of myself off in order to protect myself as it was a difficult period of my life. I love people for who they are and the authenticity they bring to the table. So, if you are someone who feels you need to put on a mask or even close yourself off as I once did, this message is for you—For what it’s worth, I hope you no longer feel as though you need to wear a mask in any of your relationships 💗 If your relationships are genuine and sincere, people will love you for you. They will be okay with your growth and be honored to be a part of your journey. It’s when you are surrounded by people who aren’t open and aware that you may experience push back. That’s okay too. But as soon as you feel as though you are no longer worthy and respected, walk away. It’s a normal part of growing up and growing older, to outgrow relationships. It can be discussed but it doesn’t always need to be addressed. Time will tell who is meant to remain in your life and who isn’t.
Finally, my new sense of independence. This is another scenario where I thought I was independent until I realized I wasn’t as independent as I thought I was. I used to wait around and bend-over-backwards in my relationships. I was the flexible one. Even going as far as switching around my whole schedule even if it was only for a half hour to catch up or run an errand. But now that I’ve learned that setting boundaries isn’t to hurt the other person but a way to protect my own peace, I’m doing better because of it. My family member even commented the other day that they are impressed by my growth. In addition to that, I’m much more open to do things on my own. Part of the reason I was so flexible in the past is because I was afraid to do things by myself. Now I’ll go to a restaurant and sit alone. If there is an activity I want to do or event I want to see, I’ll go even in plans fall through. I no longer wait on anyone else. Ive learned to enjoy myself.
Turkey season is my favorite holiday because it’s a time to reflect on the year before. Oftentimes, when we are going through difficult circumstances or we are relentlessly busy, we don’t notice the small changes day-to-day but when we look back we can see the huge impact on us. It can be a subtle change to completely reinventing ourselves. Whichever decision you make, it is your choice. Stick to whatever feels right for you. Only you know yourself best. Those around us can be of assistance but even they don’t know everything all the time nor can they completely understand our experiences. Growing up with my family, we had such a great bond. They were there for me and often gave the best advice. But now times are changing. We don’t get to see each other as often. It’s more so an after thought and I think that is the hardest part. This goes for all relationships. Anytime, there is a shift in the dynamics, things can change. A good example is when grandparents or Aunts/Uncles who were the glue of the family, pass away. Suddenly, there’s turmoil or mistrust when there wasn’t before. It’s basically starting from scratch and building from the ground up which takes time.
Within the past week, someone told me how I had changed because I am no longer the same person I used to be. When I pursued the conversation further, I found that they weren’t used to seeing me happy and healthy. The previous version they spoke of was when I was miserable, I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin, and I was constantly worried of what people thought of me. In other words, now that I’m happy, confident, and okay with being on my own, it appears that the dynamic we used to have isn’t the same. It has shifted.
As we outgrow our former selves, we learn lessons of what we like, don’t like, and can work with. If it gets to the point that this newer version of me is too much for people, I will walk away, remove them from my life. I will no longer tolerate mistreatment and disrespect. I hope it doesn’t get to that point but I can’t get someone else to understand where I’m coming from if that aren’t open to it themselves.
A life lesson I learned is that it can be difficult to understand where someone is coming from until they’ve experienced it themselves. I believe it to be true. There have been instances in my life such as learning to love myself when I thought I understood. Then, once I really took time to get to know myself, I realized how wonderful life truly was. If I hadn’t got to that point, I wouldn’t have known.
The last couple years have shaped me into someone who is confident, strong, caring, capable, inquisitive, independent, and fulfilled. I have found that I don’t need money, materialistic things, or people in my life to be happy. It’s taught me to live a simplistic life. One where I value others but not to the point where I disrespect myself. It’s one where I find fun, local spots to go to and don’t need to travel across the country to find happiness and now I focus on spending within my budget.
When we learn to rely less on otherwise, we learn how to appreciate ourselves. From there, we can begin self-discovery, self-love, and self-acceptance. It’s at a point that external validation is no longer needed, only internal approval matters. May you get to the place of self-discovery, self-love, and self-acceptance. Share what you’re are thankful in the comments below.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Week!
As a signature of this blog, I like to end each post with a suggestion to “Pass on kindness”. There is no such time as the present to “Inspire Those Who Inspire You”. Acts of kindness, no matter how big or small, can have a direct, positive impact on someone else. Go out there today and change someone’s life for the better.
***These are my personal opinions and may not be those of my employer
